Grieve greetings

Processed with VSCO with b2 presetThe house is quiet without you. My bed feels too big and the room is filled with an emptiness that I just can’t stand.
I spent hours in front of the TV to avoid this nightmare that it is to sleep by myself, but right now I’m dressed with the T-shirt you left and my pillow smells just like you.
I’m reading German poetry and fooling myself pretending you’ll get out of the shower any time soon. You always take long to wash your hair anyways.
I mean, your picture is on my wall, your number’s on my phone, there’s even blond hair strands in my sheets…
But there will be no warm hugs at night or sex in the morning. No one to correct my grammar or photograph things I don’t understand. Tomorrow I’ll ask for fries and you won’t be there to steal them.
Today Julia said I smelled good and that made me chuckle: this perfume used to make your head always end up in my neck. You said you could live forever there, no matter how ticklish this made me feel.
I thought I would be fine, it’s just another of many goodbyes. I’m still Jamie, brown haired short girl with a weird sense of humor who’s most likely singing Nina Simone out loud.
But, Goddamn it!, I miss the funny way you walk and your cat eyes. I miss us never getting to the end of the documentaries we watch and cooking masterchef specialities with R$3,00.
I was never waiting for someone to complete me because I am not half. I like being with and by myself.
I don’t need you, I want you and before all of that I had never said forever.
I’ve got a thousand friends and many places to go to. I could get drunk or watch the game or listen to that new band I don’t remember the name, but the reason I’ve been feeling so lost since you’ve been gone is because you somehow became home.
Long distance for how long?


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