My imaginary friend

Don’t you guys think it is a hell of a privilege to believe in God?When I was born, I was a christian. A catholic one.

That’s what happens in Brazil when you believe in God but you don’t really go to church or care about religion that much. I guess that was my parents case.

I know that in many European countries Catholics are seen as super strict (inquisition won’t even let me wonder why), but, in my tropical country, things are a bit different.

Anyways, my parents never really bothered me with it. My mom taught me how to pray The Lord’s Prayer and I would do it every night before falling asleep. I would also thank Jesus for the good things in my life and ask for help with the bad ones.

Because of it, I transformed Jesus into my imaginary friend, along with the Easter Bunny (am I Donnie Darko or what?).

Yeah, it does sound bizarre, but I was this hyperactive weird kid who thought “since He sees and knows everything, why not team up?”.

So, for one or two years, I spoke to “Jesus” on daily bases. I would talk about cartoons and he would agree that my friends were wrong when we had fights. So, things wouldn’t really bother me cause THE son of God was my buddy and he agreed with everything I said anyways. I must have been four or five years old.

A few years later, when I was eight and didn’t even remember that anymore, there was this one teacher in school who would always compliment a girl’s notebook because she would write “Jesus ❤️” in the end of every page. I wanted compliments too, so I did the same, but with a G. I thought that, since you can be named Giulia or Julia, you could be named Jesus or Gesus too. The teacher didn’t agree though.

Then, I became a teenager who would listen to Metal and disagree on everything. God included. But I would still say The Lord’s Prayer every night.

The thing is that people can force you to join a religion and try to preach you all the time, but, as my mother always says, faith can’t be transferred. Faith is personal and it can only be for real or inexistent.

And I always envied people who believed in heaven and salvation. I still do. 

As I grew old, I got involved with Buddhism and Hinduism and nowadays I would say they fit more my ideal of world, still, I do not have a religion. I believe in something. In many things. I sing mantras and pray the Lord’s Prayer. I meditate and like Yemanja. We all coexist and that’s beyond beautiful.

But, in my darkest moments, I didn’t believe in salvation and, when life sucks, I don’t count on a second perfect one. And that gets me desperate.

It is very true that being sure of both these things can blind you and keep you from the life we are supposed to be living now, but if you are willing to put your heart and soul in this theory, it is enough. “I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong”. 

Faith is the most beautiful thing. It is what brings us together but it’s also what makes us outstand ourselves. Isn’t it ironic that religion does the exact opposite?

In Portuguese Amen is Amém, but, when you take the accent away, it means to love.



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